


No Haven For This Heart

by apatternedfever



Category: Firefly
Genre: Alternate Universe, Episode: s01e01 Serenity, Gen, Off-screen Implied Character Death, can be read as pre-Simon/Inara, sedation without consent (Simon to River)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-20
Updated: 2013-06-20
Packaged: 2017-12-15 14:35:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/850673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apatternedfever/pseuds/apatternedfever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Serenity's tricks can't beat the Reavers. Inara, Simon and River make it to Whitefall. 'What next' is a more complicated question than expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Haven For This Heart

When the shuttle lands, neither of them move at first, holding their breaths and waiting to see if they're really safe. River sleeps silently in Inara's bed. Simon's guilt at sedating her has yet to abate, but her screaming was more than either of them could deal with in the situation.

"You saved us." Simon looks in her direction but never quite at her. "Thank you."

"I," Inara starts, and then stops, because there's nothing to say.

Neither of them mention the fate they escaped or the crew that wasn't so lucky. As she gets on the Cortex and starts looking for a way to someplace more civilized, Inara catches a glimpse out of the corner of her eye of Simon leaning over his sister, stroking her hair and whispering. She can't hear what he's saying, but she's certain the comfort isn't meant for the sleeping girl as much as it is for himself.

\--

Transport off Whitefall takes longer than expected.

If it was simply a matter of Inara catching a ship heading elsewhere, it would have been a week at most, but there's the problem of Simon and River. They can't go to the Core, that much is clear; and though Inara expects to leave as soon as she helps them settle in somewhere they can be safe, there's still the problem of helping them get somewhere safe.

A week comes and goes. Inara fetches provisions and takes care of all interaction; Simon takes care of keeping River as calm as possible and on the shuttle. By the end of a second week they've pooled their money together. Even with Inara's savings it's not much, but it's enough for food and supplies. If transport takes as long as it's looking to be, Inara isn't sure how they'll afford it, but that's a bridge they'll have to cross when they come to it.

At night, Inara and River share the bed while Simon sleeps, first on the floor, then on a cot they buy early in the second week. At least, in theory they do. In practice, Simon sleeps fitfully, dozing in and out and starting at the slightest noise; if River moves from the bed, as she does most nights, he doesn't even attempt to rest. Inara tries, and finds herself awake until close to dawn.

A third week passes.

Inara spends most of her days in the cockpit of the shuttle when she's not actively searching the Cortex. It's not for privacy. It's not for any reasons she can explain. The urge is beyond her, but it feels right, and she's not one to ignore that feeling.

\--

Simon is standing next to the bed, watching River sleep; he's sedated her again. He's had to do it more and more as the days go on and she gets restless trapped in the tiny shuttle. Whitefall isn't a safe place for fugitives to run around. River's more than smart enough to understand that, and still enough of a child to have trouble with it anyway; on her bad days, it's sedation or letting her run out into the lion's den without her wits about her.

Inara walks in just after the crying stops. Simon's shoulders are slumped and his hands shake, fingers still wrapped around the syringe, and somehow he's more vulnerable than if she'd walked in on him crying.

"I'm not trained for this," he says before she can begin to decide whether to walk out or not. "I have no equipment, I'm running out of drugs, and she.... I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm not even general care. I wouldn't be working on her case if we were in a hospital." He stops for a moment, and shakes his head, and his tone is different when he speaks again, as the confession he meant to be making comes out. "I can't be her doctor and her brother. I can't be her guardian and father and mother and teacher and.... I can't."

He looks up at her, and she realizes simultaneously that he is very young and that she doesn't know how old either of them are. He looks at her as though he's not sure if he's looking for someone to agree or to tell him he's wrong, and she can't do either.

"I'm sorry," he says quietly. "You don't need to hear about my problems. Not after.... Not now."

"It isn't your fault," she says, and she's not talking about Serenity or Mal or three weeks in this little shuttle. He knows none of that is his fault; they both know that he's not blaming himself for that part. She may not know him, but she can read him very well. She crosses towards him and lays a hand on his shoulder, and it's as intimate as a kiss. "Come. Sit down. We'll have tea." It isn't a fix and it isn't a new start; she can't offer him either of those, but it's something, nonetheless.

"Tea." A slight smile crosses his face. He glances back at River again; she won't be awake for hours, Inara knows. "Yes. I'd like that."


End file.
